Wednesday, August 1, 2018

33 Week Update

How preggo I am: 33 weeks, only 7ish more to go. I could have a baby in 5 weeks though. That's not out of the realm of possibility. Or 10 weeks, haha. I don't want to set unrealistic expectations for myself.

33 weeks

Baby size: 
Between 4 to 6 pounds roughly, it's weird to think about how baby like he looks by now. He's close to birth height 17 to 19 inches. He definitely feels ginormous.

Food cravings/aversions: I want all the things that are going to give me insane heartburn. Chocolate cookies, jalepeno popper dip. Things I will eat and regret.

Edit: I regret nothing about eating jalepeno popper dip. Worth it.

We did have a good laugh at our mommy and me brunch. You could tell the majority of us that came that week were pregnant by the lack of mimosas and wide range of food from jalepeno popper dip to waffles and watermelon. It was all delicious, I might add.

Other symptom: The usual again, I'm tired, my bladder is the size of a squashed pea, Braxton Hicks (not as bad as with Lyra I don't think, or I'm too busy to notice them), my lower back, hips, and feet are sooooo sore. Heartburn is basically a given these days, zantac still helps but not 100%. I predict this baby will have hair too.

I've slowed on weight gain again, I gained like 5 pounds total the first 20 weeks, then about 25 in about 10 weeks, and the last 3 not really any again. It seems like it all happened at once. And it seems I gain more than average. I didn't really track with Lyra and I'm trying to be chill about it but it is hard. Especially with everyone commenting about how huge I am. The day is coming where I am going to hear "You look like you're about to pop," one too many times and I really will figuratively "pop" on someone. It nearly happened the other day. I'd already heard it once that day and then I am 95% sure I heard a random guy make a comment about me, not even to my face, just about me where I could overhear. I was not 100% sure though. I possibly misheard and I didn't want to look dumb yelling at someone for something they didn't do. But I'm pretty sure it happened. I don't understand how people think it is ok to make comments like that. And for the record, I think I'm just a bit larger than I was with Lyra which is really normal. Not to mention I'm measuring perfectly on track for 33 weeks.

I had a fantastic pregnancy brain moment this week. Travis found a coffee mug half filled with water that I'd put away in the cupboard. While I was pregnant with Lyra I lost a measuring cup of water in the microwave for a few hours.

Sleep: Still pretty awful. I slept so much with Lyra's pregnancy that I didn't feel super tired. This time I don't have that luxury. Also my allergies and the intense wildfire smoke are not helping, I wake up to sneeze and blow my nose as often as I do to pee. It sucks.

Lyra is in a terrified of monsters stage so she is waking up about once a night again. But she's also obsessed with monsters and wants to watch monster shows all the time and recently expressed the desire to be the chupacabra for Halloween. I fully support this and will absolutely make baby brother dress as a goat. It might be my fault that Lyra likes and fears monsters so much, I 100% relate.

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Mood: It is constantly too hot and there's horrendous air quality with the wildfires and my allergies so I'm kind of testy but not too terrible. Other than today is hitting me pretty hard. I had the last miscarriage a year ago. I thought I'd be fine but I'm feeling 1,000 more feelings than I thought I had. I'm debating a whole post about it. I just haven't had a good time or energy.

Names: My vote is still Oswin Finley.

Lyra stats: She had this one day where she was the spawn of Satan despite a 3 hour nap, I don't know what was up with that, it was a new level of terror. But then she had a really good day where she was patient and wonderful through a full day of errands.

Funny toddler quirk moment of the week, she had this weird obsession with my arm for a day. She kept rubbing her face on it and cuddling and kissing it. Just my arm, not me in general.

Best moment this week: I don't know that there's a specific event that comes to mind

Other stuff: Major baby prep happened this week after finding out my placenta moved. Plus Amazon prime day and baby registry discounts kicked in. We have a few more things to get and not everything has shipped yet but the baby's nursery and our room is pretty much set up.

The crib and possibly glider won't stay in the room.

The baby crib will be side-car style next to the bed here, mainly hoping to not have our bed completely overrun by small children.

The baby changing station will also be in the master bedroom too.
I also did some couponing and deal finding and scored big on diapers and wipes. We use cloth mainly but disposable wipes for outings and poop because it's just so much easier. And disposable diapers are our backup for travel, laundry emergencies, babysitters, etc. I got all of this for $100 after stacking coupons and gift cards back from a target deal and Ibotta.


That's 6 boxes of diapers and 2 of wipes, normally it would be $180. There's some tax in there and such but still, great deal. I already had 2 boxes of wipes from previous less extreme but still satisfying couponing. So I'm honestly thinking this should get us through a full year. I'm fairly impressed with myself.

I also set up my birthing space in our bedroom. I know things happen where they happen but I'm thinking it is my probable spot for labor and delivery.

I'm planning on adding some string lighting, birth affirmation decorationy stuff, and hopefully a yoga swing or some type of suspended support system. 

And I have a cozy nook for anyone sitting and waiting or needing a break.

Looking forward to:
 Hopefully making the last few big decisions about my ideal birth plan. I'm trying to decide on a birth photographer and there's a few travel arrangements for friends and family up in the air.  

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

31 Weeks and a Placenta Update

How preggo I am: 31 weeks! Although here's the official baby countdown standings. I've been tracking all the "due dates" I've been given to see when I think he's actually likely to get here and because I want to see how close I actually guess his arrival time.

Sept 26: my last period due date
Sept 22: first dating ultrasound (the earlier ultrasounds are generally more accurate than the later ones) as well as the anatomy scan.
Sept 23: my 31 week placenta checking exam (spoiler, it's moved!!!)
Sept 19: late dating scan around 14 or so weeks with the OB I'm seeing.
Sept 16: 12 week ultrasound when I had spotting and the placenta previa was found.

My conclusion is the 22nd is the most accurate due date. It's lines up with ovulating a bit early which is what I tend to do and it makes the early positive pregnancy test make sense. Plus, my cycles are real regular and I'm sure of that period date so I don't think it's too far off that one. And finally that's the date he's measured at most consistently soooo that's my guess. I'm too far in to change my apps and this blog count right now though, I'll stick with my easy to remember Wednesday week change dates.

Baby size: I have a personalized ultrasound estimate for this week.  He's around 3 lbs 7 oz right now, give or take, ultrasounds aren't exact. Right now that puts him on track to be about 7.5 lbs on the due date of the 19th. Lyra was 7lb 4oz on her due date. He is positioned exactly like Lyra almost always was, and exactly how I thought he was laying in there. His head is down by my left hip and his butt is up by my right ribs. His feet are alternating between kicking me up on the right and down low by his face.


Here's his little face profile.  He's got his hand up under his chin. 

Food cravings/aversions: Reese's dipped pretzels. And chicken salad on croissants. Not all together though.

Other symptom: The usual. Braxton Hicks a good bit, heartburn, I waddle and can't pick up things off the floor. I've also been getting these lovely moments where I get suddenly hungry and I think my blood sugar drops because I have to eat immediately since I start feeling so shaky.

Sleep: Awful. I cannot wait for fall with a newborn. I'm uncomfortable laying down in pretty much any position, still peeing like 5 times a night and my allergies are so bad I have to wake up to sneeze and blow my nose all night long. Also sometimes I get hot flash/night sweat type episodes.  Not cool. Literally. Lyra is also pretty frequently waking up at night, probably at least 30% of the time.

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Mood: I'm having a wonderful week. Someone called me huge again ("You look like you're about to pop, when are you due? September?!? Oh wowwww!") and it didn't even bring me down. I didn't get to use any of my snappy replies though because she was cutting Lyra's hair at the time of commenting. I decided I didn't want to risk Lyra's hair or her face by being rude back to her. And then she gave me a discount so I still won.

Anyway, I'm happy because I went to the OB on Monday for my ultrasound to check the placenta previa situation and it moved so much more than I hoped! It is 3 whole centimeters away, well past the "at least I can try to have a vaginal hospital birth" and even well past the "I can have a homebirth" point. No scheduled c-section for this reason at least. Plus, now I don't have to worry constantly about bleeding or spotting or going into labor and bleeding out and dying before I got to the hospital. I mean yes, it's still life and shit can happen, but it's a huge weight off my mind and a big risk factor gone. I have a to do list a mile long now since I procrastinated any prepping for anything but a c-section. The rest of the year is going to be insanely busy. I have appointments every 2 weeks with the OB and midwife until 36 weeks and then I have weekly appointments. I am keeping up with the back up care in case I have to transfer for any reason. On the plus side I think the time will fly until the baby is here. I have 10 weeks to get everything set up. My mind is going 100 miles an hour the last couple days.

Names: I told Travis I'm calling the baby Oswin Finley this week to just test it out. He said, "I know what you're trying to do here."

Lyra stats: Well I gave up on potty training again. It is intensely frustrating to go from 95% of the way there to total trainwreck but it is what it is I guess.

Lyra has learned how to bargain and count apparently. Today she looked at me while we were watching a show she likes and said, "I need to watch two more movies." I said, "Nope." She gave me this huge grin as and a giggle and said, "Okaaaaaay, I need to watch one more movie." Still a no, but it was a valiant effort.

She also made up her own phrase this week, which was priceless.  She's heard me say "holy cow," and "holy mackerel," a ton.  She added her own twist mid conversation when she yelled, "holy mac and cheese!" It was one of the funnier things I've ever seen her do to be honest.

Best moment this week: Definitely the ultrasound.

Other stuff: So funny story time, I peed on myself this week. Normally the OB's office sends a plastic urine sample cup home with me and I just  bring it with. Plastic is great, you can clean/dry off the outside of a plastic sample cup in the privacy of your own home. However, since it was an ultrasound and  not a regular appointment, I misunderstood and didn't bring one. So I had to go with the paper cup in office. Now at this point I can't see around my belly which makes it difficult. And everyone can tell if you're messy when it's a paper cup. Further complicating things is my 2 year old. You have to watch them constantly in public bathrooms. Kids are gross, you look away and they're eating something they found on the floor or peaking in the used sanitary supply bin. Did I mention this was an OBs office bathroom? They have a display IUD. I didn't want to be the mom who's kid ate the IUD. So I'm basically trying to get this sample blind, just hoping for the best while I keep an eye on Lyra. Before I know exactly how it all went wrong, pee is suddenly going everywhere, I'm trying to get my shorts and shoes off before it makes it to those, trying to keep Lyra at a distance before she slips in it, and trying not to spill my sample. Surprisingly, the cup was pristine, not a clue how I pulled that off. I manage to clean everything else up and put my clothes back on and only had to stop to yell once. "Lyra no! STOP! Don't you dare open that door right now!" As she stares me down, hand on the door and decides how angry I actually would be if I had to chase her down the hallway with my pants down. I'm absolutely a mom, I looked at my shorts and felt such relief that it was only a little bit of pee that spilled on them. Not even close to the worst that's ever been on me in public without spare clothes. Plus having the toddler with me was handy, if anyone called me on smelling a little like pee, I was fully prepared to blame her diapers. Despite that, it was still an excellent day.

Looking forward to: The homestretch! Getting my head wrapped around going with my original birth plan after all. And getting all the planning and prep done for that.  

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Made It To The 3rd Timester

How preggo I am: 29 weeks/7 months, officially in the 3rd trimester now.

I have been working on this post for so long that this picture is more like 30 weeks (tomorrow). Oops. 

Baby size: Baby boy is almost 16 inches long and weighs around 2.5 lbs.

Food cravings/aversions: Cheesecake. I've been experimenting with making it. My favorite so far was either lemon or chocolate. I went all out and made lemon curd, chocolate ganache and whipped cream for those.

Other symptom: Ok, so there's one I haven't mentioned much as it's personal but I feel like I should because it's getting hilarious. My boobs have grown, significantly. Lyra has noticed. Now she stopped nursing almost a full year ago, last August when she turned 2 and I had the second miscarriage. I was just done and sore from pregnancy and I cut her off. I think she would have happily continued, my original plan was to let her self wean but again, life said otherwise.  Anyway though, point is she asked to nurse maybe 4 or 5 times over a month or two after we weaned but then dropped it entirely. I assumed she'd forgot. But the past few weeks she's been asking to nurse again. And then questioning if I can do chocolate milk too. Sorry, kid. She's also been asking me to nurse her baby dolls for her. I'm finding it hard not to laugh when she comments on them too. "You have big boobies, mama. I like them." At least she's complimentary.

Also I feel huge right now. I measured and when I have to carry Lyra and a full diaper bag and I factor in pregnancy weight gain, I'm literally carrying around 50% of my prepregnancy bodyweight. Good thing Lyra is actually tiny for her age. No wonder I'm tired and my feet hurt. I felt bad when I had to rest on the way to the mailbox (it's down the street and around the corner) when I was carrying Lyra yesterday. But I feel better about that now.

Sleep: So terrible. The other night I woke up around 3 because I had to pee. Travis gets up at 3:30 so that can make it hard to really fall asleep again in time. And then the cat decided to chase a pebble around the house. So I had to get out of bed, turn on the lights, and scour the floors for a pebble the size of a pea so she would shut up. Seriously, a freaking pebble. Then Roxi decided she had to go outside to pee. So I had to take her out as the alternative would be cleaning the floor at 6 am. At that point I was angry and couldn't fall asleep. Didn't matter though because the second I heard Travis leave at 4:30, I heard Lyra's door open. I am not exaggerating when I say that to stay awake, she will refuse to stop moving for even 10 seconds. She laid in my bed for an hour and a half before she would hold still for a few seconds. As soon as I got her to hold still for a minute, she was out. But only for 40 minutes so I only got an extra 30 minute cat nap. That's about how well I sleep anymore.

And I fell out of bed this morning. In my defense I was trying to escape Lyra and there was a pillow in my way but my pride is a little bruised. I'm starting to have trouble maneuvering, clearly.

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Mood: I'm stressed and sad about the state of the country lately but I don't think that's hormone/pregnancy related.

Names: I don't knowwwww.

Lyra stats: I'm feeling quite defeated with potty training. I've spent literally 6 months between the 2 attempts. However, her doctor is of the opinion that constipation is causing her to struggle with it. So it's probably not that I'm wrong about her being ready or I'm doing something wrong. I swear 70% of parenting is dealing with other people's bodily functions. Hopefully we get it straightened out in the next few weeks. For now I'm just resigning myself to the double whammy of the mess of diapers and the hassle of potty training at the sane time. Not that that's much different than what I've been doing already.

Also she says "apple" like "asshole." I can't unhear it now.

Best moment this week: Funny story time.  The other night Lyra woke up around 3 and came into our room complaining about how she was scared of the monsters in her room. She started describing, in a very scared tone of voice, how they roar and have sharp teeth. Midway through her narrative she suddenly started to switch from scared to excited. Then it was all about the chupacabra and how she needed to get her chupacabra book to read. I was a little thrown by her sudden change of heart. But it seems deep down she likes her monsters too.

Also, Lyra's birth story was published in a book and I got a copy this week! So that was a highlight too.

Other stuff: There was a day this week where baby boy wasn't moving as much as normal. So that stressed me out enough that we went in to go get checked out. He was perfectly fine. Hopefully there's no more of that the next few weeks.

Also the nursery is coming along. We'll be decorating Lyra's room more in the next couple weeks too. And our room will have a crib sidecarred to the bed and a changing station and potentially the glider. The nursery is mainly for show and storage for at least a year.

We aren't doing anything too hardcore, leaving the walls white and going with a rainbow theme. 

I'm also adding in sky themed touches, potentially something with hot air balloons, I haven't quite decided.

Wall hangings I made. And this one gets my old Jenny Lind bed. Lyra got my old bunk bed so we're 2 for 2 on hand me down beds. 

Fabric and embroidery hoops.

And I tie dyed a muslin swaddle blanket too. I think I love it. 

Also I am getting back into sewing so I'm working on some new baby projects. Like this bonnet. 

Looking forward to:
 I get my next ultrasound in about a week and a half to see if my placenta finally moved off my cervix fully. Fingers crossed. I'm already convinced it's going to be marginal I'll have to wait until 36 weeks or later before I know for sure. Best case scenario, I will have no idea when this baby is arriving! Worst case scenario I will probably get a c section scheduled just in case and I still won't actually know for a few more weeks. It is driving type A me a little batty. I have several guess dates written in my calendar with notes about their likelihood and the frequency with which that dates been predicted. Lyra at least was cooperative and measured exactly on time always and arrived on her due date. This one, not so much. I blame Travis for this. 

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

26 weeks/6 months

How preggo I am: 26 weeks, about 6 months

6 month/26 week bump

This was my bump with Lyra, I'm surprised how similar I look this time around. I feel bigger but I don't think I'm as drastically larger as I was thinking. 

Baby size: Baby boy is about 14 inches long and weighs around 2 lbs. The vegetable comparison of the week is a scallion or butternut squash.

Food cravings/aversions: I've got nothing.

Other symptom: For once, my neck didn't really bother me on a trip (we just went to Michigan to see Travis' family). My intense chiropractor/massage plan may be working for my neck pain finally. My back is starting to hurt a lot more though, I can't be on my feet for too long.

I get a ton of kicks these days, my belly is always bouncing around. And my bellybutton is not an innie anymore. It's just like, half gone, half an outie.

Sleep: Lyra spent most of the Michigan trip sleeping in the bed with us again so it was occasionally nice for cuddles, occasionally frustrating because there's less room and more chance of broken sleep for everyone. She's settling back into the home routine though, thank goodness.

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Mood: Alternating between grouchy because I'm uncomfortable and it is getting too hot and feeling alright because my neck isn't murdering me anymore. I did decide that I don't think I get trimesters. At least not this magic second trimester. I usually hear you're sick for the first one, feel adorable and full of energy for the second, and the third you're huge and ready to be done. I get the first half where I'm sick and barfing and apparantly have killer headaches. Then I have like 14 hours where I feel cute and pregnant and not sick. Then i have the second half where I'm basically one giant Braxton Hicks contraction, I feel huge and the heartburn/acid reflux is constant. I still maintain this half is better than the first half though, by far.

Names: There has been much more uncertainty and indecision about this than with Lyra. Which is driving me crazy because I like when I have plans. Finley Oswin and Oswin Finley are this week's top contenders.

Lyra stats: So Lyra is having a birthday party in 2 months and I thought it would be a good idea to give her a few weeks to try and gauge what kind of party she wanted. Horrible idea. We talk about her truck party every day. Every day.

In between that we talked about the 2 airplanes she was going to fly on to go to Michigan. She was so excited for that this time around and did pretty well on the planes. It is always a long tiring time travelling but we're all used to it and good at it.

Lyra had a blast in Michigan with all the attention and relatives to hang out with. She even inherited a hand me down dragon costume. She will not stop wearing it. I'm gonna be that mom in the grocery store with the kid in the dragon costume. At least I won't lose her in the store.

Best moment this week: I got to meet a brand new baby alpaca which was neat. My in laws have an alpaca farm, by the way. I wish he'd been born like 2 hours later because then I could have seen a baby alpaca birth but still, it was cool to see a brand new baby. He was a big one at 22 lbs and I helped name him Coriander (his mom is called Cinnamon). My mother in law, who is also an OB nurse, even saved the placenta for me to look at.  That's how I know I'm as weird as the family I married into.

Other stuff: So the not super fun thing about this week was going to go see where Nova is buried. It was the first time we've been back since we buried her so I was a little bit of a mess. Pregnancy hormones probably didn't help that feeling either. I go back and forth sometimes between this feeling of "It's been almost a year, why does it still feel so bad?" and "It hasn't even been a year, how am I supposed to have moved on already?" Not to mention I think it is all compounded and dragged out from having two close together. Facebook pops up those reminders and memory posts. So I have been watching this year and seeing as those popping up, knowing what I posted the days I found out I was pregnant and when I miscarried. And watching myself try and be positive. I can definitely see how the first one didn't hit me nearly as hard as the second time around.

But anyway, Travis' family has been keeping the trail out to her grave clear. They moved a big rock onto the rock pile we made so it is pretty clearly marked from that alone. There is a marker though. They also moved a pine tree out and planted some flowers. Travis and I planted some more flowers so we will see how those all do, it's fairly shaded and there's wildlife around so some of the plants may not make it, but who knows. We planted tiger lilies (my favorite flower), amythest astilbes (they mean "I'll still be waiting"), lily of the valleys (they mean return to happiness). Fairly fitting meanings I suppose, we mainly tried to pick what looked like it might survive in a shady forest.



We finally settled on a name for the first baby I miscarried. Sojourner. We will eventually be getting a marker similar to Nova's and adding it to the rock at her grave. I just don't feel right without one but it has been an entirely different experience having had that miscarriage earlier, it was so different physically and I still don't know why or if it was a boy or girl. So it had taken longer to get around to dealing with that. It was almost like a triage scenario, deal with the grief from Nova's miscarriage, and now get around to this one that was a less traumatizing experience. But I like the meaning behind the name Sojourner. It does have a space connection, it means traveler. I've found a couple quotes I like a lot. "We are sojourners and not settlers for life on this earth." But my favorite and probably on the marker we will use a quote from Sojourner Truth, "I'm not going to die, I'm going home like a shooting star."

Looking forward to: Getting to the 3rd trimester, sometime around week 27 or 28 depending on how you count things. 

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

24 Weeks Pregnant

How preggo I am: 24 weeks! Well over halfway even if I go late.

24 weeks 

I'm so pregnant I can do a selfie and see the bump still.

Baby size: Papaya or eggplant sized. Last week he was a "bunch of grapes" which is probably the most vague sizing ever. Besides dill pickle. He's about 1.3 lbs and over a foot long. Also a cool milestone, if I were to give birth to him now, he'd have a 50/50 shot. Not great chances and I want to keep him in there much longer, but it's better than 0% chance and that's comforting given the placenta situation and my irritable uterus and the past miscarriages.

Morning sickness: I'm getting rid of this header! I think it's really gone.

Food cravings/aversions: Nothing super dramatic really. That's been one of my symptoms that hasn't been as strong this time around. We've been giving Blue Apron a shot and I am enjoying food once again, it is lovely. I wish I'd tried it sooner when I was feeling sick and meal planning was the worst. But I think it will come in handy when we have a new baby and shopping gets more logistically difficult. I don't like the waste but I'm trying to recycle and compost what I can and I do a lot of other environmentally friendly things in a lot of other places in my life.

Other symptom: Heartburn/acid reflux. My throat feels like the volcano in Hawaii right now. Totally the same as with Lyra, I'm betting this baby will have hair when he's born too! That's one pregnancy superstition that's actually true. The hormones that cause the heartburn also help promote the baby hair growth. Not 100% correlation but still.

Also, I had one of my bad headaches that made me puke so hard I burst a bunch of tiny blood vessels in my face. That was a new experience.

Braxton hicks are totally a part of all my life again. Also I feel so huge and my bellybutton is popped out like a turkey timer already. This summer is going to be rough.

Movement: So my prediction is this baby will be early and huge. (I'm fully aware predicting this means he will actually be 2 weeks late and like 5 pounds tiny.) Also, this is one strong baby. My midwife felt him kick last week and was surprised at how strong he was for that early. It's already been a while now that I can see my belly shake and move when he does. If I hadn't had so many ultrasounds and been tracking my period closely, I'd be convinced I was further along than I thought. I had an anterior placenta with Lyra and I only now really am realizing how much that must have muffled her movement and I'm a little afraid how hard this one is going to kick later on, it already verges on painful occasionally. And honestly, even with the different placenta locations, I think this baby is stronger. 

Weight gain: 10 pounds, about. I must just gain it all in the end. I want to say with Lyra the only time I found out, I was up roughly 30 pounds at 34 weeks. I gained only 5 the first half of this pregnancy and I've gained 5 in the last 4 weeks. So I'm a little nervous about that but I'm wondering if he just had a big growth spurt and I'll feel less stretched out for a few weeks before repeating that cycle. I definitely think I look about a month bigger when I look at Lyra pregnancy comparison photos. 

Sleep: What is that? Between toddlers, insomnia, headaches, and having to pee, I just don't much.

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Mood: Nothing too extraordinary to report.

Names: TBD. Finley Everett or Finley Oswin are in the running I think.

Lyra stats: Potty training is the worst. It's going better than the last shot but still not super amazing. It is so much worse than the diaper stage. I can't wait until we are through it. I'm thankful we have so little carpet. But I swear, some days my entire day is cleaning up after animals and small people. I must wash my hands 100 times a day.

I have won the vegetable battle though. I tried everything and finally went back to trying baby puree pouches of fruit and veggies mixed. She used to hate them. Now if I bribe her with bite sized fiber cookies, she'll eat a pouch or two a day. That's my parenting philosophy though, something didn't work at all 6 months ago? The kid HATED it 4 months ago? Try it again in desperation anyway and see what happens. More likely to work if it's advice someone has been giving you and you've been telling them doesn't work for your kid. The more strongly your kid hates whatever it was, the more they'll love it when you try again. I question my sanity all the time. Lyra went from eating no vegetables to scarfing down a package of pea and kale and apple puree for breakfast with almost no bribery. She's like, "Why have you never offered me this delicious food before?" Oh, I don't know, because I have offered every day of your life and thrown away so much food and therefore money trying to feed you? It's obnoxious. But whatever, she eats vegetables in puree form now at least.

Best moment this week: Well, Lyra likes to kiss and hug my belly and talk about how baby brother is in there which is the most adorable thing ever.

I didn't write about the anatomy scan yet, oops. I didn't realize I hadn't updated. Baby still looks great, he is measuring ahead of my last period due date (right on track with my very first ultrasound putting his due date at 9/22) and a little behind this one I'm sticking with, my 9/19 due date that the OB will go off of if it comes down to placenta placement deciding my delivery. My placenta is still covering my cervix, unfortunately. It did move from covering by 1.6 cm to just 0.6 cm though. So I'm getting another scan at 30 weeks to see if it moves off my cervix fully. The good news is, my OB says he's comfortable with me laboring at the hospital if my placenta moves off my cervix with not even the 1 cm limit, just as long as I'm not bleeding. So all I need is a little more than 0.6 cm and I can give labor a shot. Plus I really want 10 weeks of not stressing about bleeding or early labor. He did way however, that his partner at the practice doesn't want you to labor with your placenta less than 2 cm away. I was reminded though, that I can always say no, let me try labor, if I show up at the hospital with a placenta in that gray 2 cm area and she's the doctor on call. I'm hoping it doesn't have to come down to arguing about it but I guess we will see.

In other news, I was right. My uterus is shaped slightly abnormally. It is in fact mildly heart shaped just like I was suspecting. Apparently though, it's shape is either classified as a normal variant or the most mild abnormal variant in the same category as bicornuate. Doesn't seem to be associated with any negative reproductive effects. However, I was right. That OB who blew me off, was not. I'm a firm believer in advocating for yourself and pushing back when you're blown off, it's happened to me time and time again. I'm glad this is the normal or only slightly abnormal variant that doesn't seem to be linked to negative pregnancy outcomes, but I'm mad that it's something I had to repeatedly ask to have checked and wasn't checked for until now. I wanted to know this information before getting pregnant again for a reason, peace of mind and being fully informed about my chances of another miscarriage. Good thing I got lucky on this one.

Looking forward to:  We are taking a trip to Michigan next week. Lyra will be excited to see everyone and it will be a nice break. 

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

20 weeks, 4.5 months, HALFWAY!!!

How preggo I am: 20 weeks, I'm halfway there! I got busy/distracted from blogging the past couple weeks, oops.

20 weeks

Baby size: Banana sized, about 6.5 in from head to bottom or 10 inches from head to feet. And about 10.2 oz.

Morning sickness: So morning sickness seems to be essentially gone except for a random bit here and there. However, when I have the headaches hit, crazzzzy nausea.

Food cravings/aversions: Nothing super dramatic really.

Other symptom: Braxton Hicks are back the last couple weeks. So far they aren't super intense or frequent but it basically confirms to me that they probably will be later on. So that could be interesting with my placenta location currently. So far it hasn't been a big deal but it makes me extra nervous. I'm also preemptively annoyed for the lecture on hydration I'm sure to get if I have to go in to the hospital. In fairness, typical Braxton Hicks (BH, I'm abbreviating, I hate typing that every time) are supposed to go away with hydration and rest. However, mine don't seem to follow that pattern. Plus, if I have too full of a bladder, it triggers more so the hydration line is a hard one to walk. With Lyra I had to go in to the hospital at 34 weeks for persistent BH (around every 6-8 minutes or so if I recall correctly) I had a less than pleasurable experience. There was one nurse in particular who insisted I was dehydrated and was kind of condescending about it. Then it took 4 tries to get an IV in (I was freezing and stressed out). After chugging a liter of water and getting a bag of IV fluids I swelled up like a water balloon and they came back to tell me we'd have to try something else because contractions were still at 5-7 apart. I just would have appreciated a, "Sounds like you're doing the right thing trying to stay hydrated, lets give IV fluids a shot just in case before trying something more drastic."  Instead of, "No, that 32 ounces of herbal tea you had in the last hour is dehydrating and you shouldn't be drinking that." That's not how it works. And it should be noted that wasn't even close to my full fluid and water intake for the day and I had made that clear. Anyway, just something that frustrated me immensely.

I'm also just pretty frustrated lately with the lack of treatment I've had for these headaches. I have my anatomy scan tomorrow and I'm going to see if the OB can be helpful while I'm there. But anyway, I've tried muscle relaxers, tylenol, every gentle natural remedy I've ever heard of and I just can't deal anymore. I had a particularly bad day when I was doing my allergy testing. I had to drive an hour away extremely early in the morning. I woke up with a horrible headache I'd had off and on for a few day. My morning went like this, slept crappy from about 3 am onwards because I was in so much pain. Gave up at around 4:45 and got out of bed. Threw up maybe 3 times before trying a shower to see if that helped. It didn't. Threw up another 2 or 3 times in between trying to get ready and get the animals fed and car packed for the day out with Lyra. Finally, woke Lyra up about 6:15, tossed her in the car and tried to leave around 6:30. I have to give it to Lyra. She was amazing that day. No tantrums, endless patience with being in the car, the stroller, and doctors offices all day. I don't know what I would have done had she been a monster. Anyway though, I don't make it out of the driveway before throwing up again (luckily I foresaw this possibility and had bags ready). About halfway through the drive it started to occur to me just how fuzzy I was feeling and I realized I probably shouldn't be driving but too late now. Plus, I really didn't want to be charged 500 for the allergy appointment if I didn't even make it. I literally could not concentrate on anything other than "My head hurts so bad," it was not ok. Then I threw up again as soon as I parked the car. My pain scale at this point is early labor, active labor, these fucking headaches, transition/contractions with broken water bag, and then wisdom teeth removal, for reference.  At this point I was in touch with Travis (who was 3 hours away) to let him know I wasn't sure I'd make it home and was debating the ER or urgent care, but I was going somewhere. The allergy test was actually helpful because the needles were almost comfortable in distracting from my headache. That was anothwr experiwnce that made me think about how not normal being in that much pain is. Once I finished the allergy testing I was feeling ok enough to drive home and I figured I should take advantage of that window and get myself back to Fernley. From there I went straight to urgent care. By the time I was seen at around 1, I was finally keeping down fluids and I'd managed maybe 8 oz. Somehow that was enough to have me hydrated enough they didn't need to give me fluids (see previous rant about hydration and why I was so frustrated with that ER visit during Lyra's pregnancy). I don't understand how that's possible, but whatever. I was having some Braxton Hicks by then too because I wasn't drinking enough, I was super stressed, and frustrated, and in pain. But I was essentially told, sorry, here's some Zofran for the nausea but you just have to live with it. So I went home and basically spent the rest of the day crying on and off because I cannot just live with it. So far I haven't had another headache as bad but they've been pretty consistently a problem for like 6 years now so I'm over it. I did just find out antidepressants can be used to treat pain which I've never heard of before but seems legit, so that's an option I'm probably going to pursue since I'd like to avoid narcotics, especially since I'm limited by pregnancy and breastfeeding for a while. And frankly, the pain all the time, gets to you after a while. It makes me angry and upset and stressed. The antidepressant part of the antidepressants are a great side effect to consider. And the Zofran never seemed to help with morning sickness but this time it did seem to help with headache nausea. So that's going in my treatment plan for myself for sure. I still had a horrendous headache the entire next day, but I stopped vomiting and feeling sick once I had the Zofran. It didn't fix things for me, but that was a  HUGE step. I also felt like much less of a crazy person after talking to a friend who has dealt with similar chronic pain issues. I felt like someone finally got it and understood that I can't just deal with it or live with it. It's frustrating to have something you have to manage, not something that can be fixed, if that makes sense. Like I can't just take something and be better, it always comes back. Anyway, that's basically the biggest thing that I'm trying to live life around these days.

Movement: Quite a bit pretty consistently, I can feel him from the outside now!

Weight gain: 5ish pounds, I feel a lot bigger than I look, I think. I'm definitely starting to feel sore and it's harder to move already.

Sleep: One morning recently I was at least half awake past 3 am and puking in my hands by 4:30 am before I could make it to the bathroom. So pretty restful. The cat also tried to murder me last night, she kept attempting to sleep on my face or chest. I'm actually looking forward to newborn sleep right now.

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Mood: I've been a wee bit grouchy lately (see previous rant about headaches and pain). But I got to see my parents last week which was really nice and my dad put tile in the master bedroom and bathroom.

Names: Trying to name a baby is the worst.

Lyra stats: We're trying potty training again. She's not napping much. I don't want to talk about it. I love her so much, but honestly, I don't know that I'll miss the toddler years. I miss the 1 year old stage. I even thought that at the time, it wasn't all hindsight, that I really liked that age. She could do some cool stuff but she didn't insist on "I do it myself" for every single task.  And I think I'm going to like the preschool/kindergarten age. I really enjoy when she's learning things or actually talking about things that make sense. But I feel like toddler and preteen are gonna be the ones I just don't particularly enjoy. I cannot tell you how much of my day I hear indecipherable whining and how ragey it makes me feel to argue with someone about the stupidest things you've never even thought of. Like at nap today she refused to turn off her light. She always turns it off and I know better than to try it. But she absolutely refused. So I did it. And it was fine, she was happy and I thought it was a miraculous changing of our routine. Then 2 minutes after I left the room she had a full on meltdown about how she didn't get to turn off her light. It's never an argument you can win with logic or even with some crazy made up shit, that's the thing that makes you die on the inside a little.

Lyra had a blast with my parents though. She loooooves "bald guy" (she seriously calls him that, it's fantastic) and Nana. Plus I think they bore her less than I do so she was tired out and well behaved (ish) this week. Except the one night she kept us all up for 3 hours in the middle of the night.

She got to go see some big rigs this week at a local event. Her favorite was the police truck that had a K-9 unit. She got to set off the sirens and when the police officer asked her if she was pulling over mommy or daddy, she said daddy. She keeps mentioning it too.

Best moment this week: My mom tried to steal my midwife's purse. Seriously. I took her to my appointment because if I get my way, I'll get a home birth and my midwife and mother will both be there. But as we were walking out to the car, I notice my mom is holding a new bag, in addition to her purse. "I thought it was yours!" Right. I mean, not like I'm carrying my bag. My midwife wasn't phased. She barely looked up when I returned it with a, "I'm so sorry, my mom thought this was mine and tried to steal it." She just laughed and said that would have been less than ideal. At least my midwife knows what she's getting into now.

Other Random Stuff: In typical fashion, I managed to schedule the anatomy scan for the day I miscarried for the first time last year. Fucking awesome. Hopefully it just all goes well and no big deal, at least I won't be feeling too mopey. But if there's any bad news, what a great double whammy. But I'm a superstitious person unfortunately so it's just not an amazing feeling.

We toured the second hospital this week. It wasn't bad either, just not my plan. I'm torn between the two options, I think depending on the scenario, I'd go to either. I think if I have a planned c-section on the earlier side (say if the OB thinks with my placenta previa we need to go at 36 weeks or something) then I'd lean towards the bigger one with the higher level NICU. I also think that might be where I'd head if I have preterm labor scares at all. But if its a later c-section (say planned at 38 weeks or something) I'd probably just prefer to stick to the smaller place. And if I get to attempt a vaginal birth in the hospital, definitely the smaller place with birth tubs and wireless fetal monitoring. So we will see.

And the last random thing. I don't recall what all I've mentioned in my blog, but at one ultrasound (I believe it was after the 2nd miscarriage) there was a note made in the report about a possible bicornuate uterus. Meaning its kind of divided into two parts, you can do your own google. Now from my understanding, if I do have one, it is really mild and just kind of heart shaped or has a septum or something. They're harder to diagnose during pregnancy because everything stretches. And if you do have one, you're at higher risk for miscarriage or preterm labor and higher risk for birth defects or bad presentation of the baby at birth (breech, etc). My midwife said having Lyra at full term was a sign against me having one and said even if I did, it was likely not severe, not a problem. She doesn't do ultrasounds, I get sent out elsewhere for those, so she didn't personally check. I'm pretty ok with that answer but I did try to go to an OB and ask because I wanted to know before getting pregnant again because I was pretty nervous after 2 miscarriages. The OB I saw then wouldn't even look at the old report let alone do another ultrasound. So I dropped it, I had the genetic test explaining one miscarriage and Lyra as proof that I could carry a baby to term. I wasn't too worried, mostly curious but still, I iust wanted to know. So now, when I went to my midwife for this last appointment she measured my fundal height (where the top of the uterus is in your stomach, you can feel it from the outside) and said, "Huh, that's kind of funny, it's all over on the right, I've only ever seen that in the mom's I've had with a bicornuate uterus." When I brought up the ultrasound again, she said it was worth mentioning to the OB I'm seeing now to see what he thinks. She still wasn't concerned about it, at this point I'm not really either, I'm just mildly annoyed that I did ask about it earlier and it wasn't checked when that was probably the only time it would have been seen, when I wasn't pregnant. It also would explain why I often felt like I had a lopsided stomach during BH contractions with Lyra. At the time I chalked it up to her positioning, I didn't even think to mention it. I cannot recall if it was mostly all on the right side with her too, enough time has passed and it wasn't on my radar that my uterus could be shaped a little different. This time around I already had noticed, before this appointment and conversation with my midwife, that my BH kind of go lopsided to the right. I didn't think it was too odd, like I said, that's what I was used to. Plus they're still on the lighter side for BH and my uterus is smaller than full term so they aren't really something I'm always paying attention to. But I distinctly remember noticing it, and I definitely am noticing now. I also wondered if Lyra was positioned just the slightest bit funny because things are slightly asymmetrical and that's why I struggled so much pushing her out. Zero evidence for that, but I've wondered now. And could just be that's how my uterus sits and it is normal shaped. I dunno, basically.

Looking forward to: Seeing the baby tomorrow! And with any luck, the placenta moved. I need 2 cm off my cervix for my home birth. But I only need 1 cm to attempt a vaginal hospital birth. I would gladly take that option. Wish me luck!

Thursday, April 12, 2018

17 Weeks

How preggo I am: 17 weeks. I've been pregnant for 35 of the last 52 weeks. That is 67.3%  of a year already. Whenever I feel whiny and annoyed about that, I try and remember it's ok, that's fair. I can be less than thrilled about it.

Baby size: Pomegranate or turnip sized. About 5 inches long from head to bottom and 5 ounces.  That seems crazy huge.

If you're on a phone, check out this baby hand estimation. It's pretty nifty I think. And kind of a mind blowing visual when you think about it. 

Morning sickness: Quite a bit better actually. Occasional moments but generally just morning and pretty manageable (unless I have a bad headache or have to clean up an animal mess then it's vomiting for sure). So getting better a good 10 weeks before it did with Lyra. But I refuse to let my guard down. I am braced for dealing with it for much longer because who knows how next week will be.

Food cravings/aversions: Mostly I'm just able to eat food again with regularity and it's nice. I'm not sure I really am at the really enjoying food again point, but I'll take it.

Other symptom: Well not pregnancy related but, allergies. I have never had such terrible seasonal allergies as I do in Nevada. Like, it is actually a factor in whether or not I want to live here long term. It's truly that bad. I have to have tissues with me at all times, and mornings are the worst. I feel so gross going out in public when I'm sneezing and so snotty. I've tried nasal sprays and I'm taking elderberry and the over the counter antihistamines...I tried it all. I'm going in for an allergy test next week and probably will need allergy shots. I'm trying to remind myself that the (excessively) high cost is worth it for not being miserable half of the year but it's really frustrating. I'm an example of why living without health insurance would be terrifying.

My headaches/neck pain is actually manageable this week. But it's this insanely long list of things and rituals to help. I have my pillow I must use but that doesn't 100% cut it and I'm researching replacing. I think that would make the next biggest difference. I still am icing and heating my neck whenever I can. Tylenol whenever I think I feel a headache. I've been using some peppermint and Lavender oils which at least feel soothing topically. I can't really use the kinesio tape frequently because it irritates my skin, unfortunatly. And Travis has to give me a massage at least once a day. And it isn't a cutesy massage like you'd give your new partne to make them like you. It's this super intense one where you'd think he's angry with me and I'm shocked he hasn't left bruises. He stops when his hands hurt, not when I can't handle it anymore. It's reminiscent of the osteopath treatment, he's just not professionally trained, obviously. But also he doesn't charge 400 dollars every time and he's available every day. And on top of all that I try to watch my posture really closely and not drive too much or sit too long or lay down too long, etc. It's kind of insane how much effort I'm putting into babying my neck.

Movement: Definitely! Week 14 to 15 I had a few questionable twitches that I'm still unsure about. Maybe, but probably not, that's still really early. Week 15 to 16 I had little "I'm 90-95% sure that was baby but this is way different than with Lyra so I'm confused" movements that in hindsight were definitely baby. This week (16 to 17) I was positive I was feeling him when I sat fairly still and paid attention. Going into week 18 I'm pretty confident I'll be able to feel him from the outside on occasion this week, if I'm not already, there were a few I couldn't tell if I was feeling from the outside or just from the inside, it's kind of hard to tell at first. I think the main difference that is letting me feel him earlier than I felt Lyra, is the placenta location. This one is mainly posterior (minus the stupid part that's covering my cervix...) and Lyra's was anterior, which means in the front of the uterus and therefore muffling movement. I think that's why I can feel this baby earlier, and why it took me longer to decide I was actually feeling him. He was a lot smaller than Lyra was when I started feeling her. With Lyra I was 19 weeks before I felt anything and I went from, "NOPE. Nothing." to for sure feeling her move in a single day. And a week after that I could visibly see her move in my belly. I've also noticed I feel him less consistently than I felt Lyra. Lyra started moving and has not stopped, up to this day, she has not stopped moving for 30 seconds except very occasionally while sleeping. I attribute this to both his size/the earliness I felt him and the desperate hope/desire to have a chiller and lower maintenance child who does things like sit still and sleep. Plus also I'm so busy keeping up with Lyra that I can't always pay attention. Sorry, kid, get used to that I guess.

It's reassuring to start feeling him move, for sure. But I also feel like I should acknowledge the fact that it hasn't erased my fears about miscarriage and loss and I still have some feelings about it that I didn't have when I had Lyra and I'd never lost a baby. I don't really know how to put it in words exactly, but it feels like I'm a lot less naive maybe. I have thankfully never lost a baby this far along and hopefully won't ever have to do that. But I can't help but think how horrible it was at just 12 (10 weeks since it was a missed miscarriage) and have in the back of my head an idea of how horrible it would be now. Not to say that anyone who has had an early miscarriage had it any easier than someone with a later one. Everyone is different and for me, the late miscarriage was so physically hard and mentally dramatic and traumatizing that it's just something I've thought abouti. So it's just my personal feeling on my experience of it, I guess.  It's both reassuring to get this far and much more terrifying than you might expect. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I'm just jealous of people who never have to experience it firsthand.

Weight gain: Possibly nothing? I thought 1 or 2 pounds last week but maybe not. I also don't know if my scale is accurate.  This is why I'm trying to stay not too bothered about weight gain. The baby is growing just fine, so who really cares how the weight goes. I didn't track with Lyra and now I'm kind of curious if I gained much at first, I just assumed I did but maybe I didn't until later and just grew a bump without weight gain. On that note, I'd really like to share this link my doula shared that illustrates that bump size doesn't actually mean anything and doesn't affect the baby's size.  There's a lot of misconceptions about it out there and I hate seeing mom's get insulted or lectured for being too big or too small. And also it's a good illustration of how someone could be pregnant and not know, that happens and I absolutely believe those people.



Lyra helped with photos this week. 

Sleep: Lyra is something else this week. I shared this video on my page but it's too true to not share again. She tried to fake cough and give me a "Mommy I'm sick," lie and that was the final straw that broke me about nap time. I finally got her to nap for the first time this week by pulling out the pack and play and telling her she'd have to sleep in there if she couldn't handle napping in her bed. I wasn't even bluffing.  Guess who went down in under 30 minutes with little effort on my part? But yeah, sleep has been a struggle this week.

Also my dreams are crazy still. I had one where Oprah was giving me all sorts of gifts that I had to store in the stroller. The best part was it was all weird contraptions to use to take random new drugs. So weird. And then I had one the next night where I was in a bank filled with roller coasters. All of a sudden I had the,  "I think I'm dreaming," thought. Usually at that point I get to fly around for a while which is always neat. Not this time. This time dream Miriam was like, "I have to pee but if this is a dream I don't want to wet the bed. But if I'm not, I really need to find a toilet. Maybe I'll do something weird and see how people react to decide if I'm dreaming first." And that's how I came to have a dream where I wandered around with no pants on in a bank filled with roller coasters. Unfortunately, my dream self couldn't remember if it was normal or not to be in public without pants on, so that didn't help me figure out anything. Last night I dreamed I had an ultrasound that projected a virtual newborn sized baby next to me. That was kinda weird but also kinda cool and thankfully, not creepy.

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Mood: Normal unless it's nap or bedtime and then I feel like Te-Ka from Moana. 100% lava monster at those times.

Names: Still Finley Everett or Everett Finley are the two in the running. I really like the nickname Finn but I really like Everett as a first name. And Travis likes Finley as a first name. So it's probably just up in the air for the next 21 to 25 weeks

And on another post loss feeling about things, just something I have been thinking about and trying to sort out exactly what it is I'm even thinking or feeling...it's been weird (again a moment I'm not sure there is a word) adjusting to this baby being a boy. I just have feelings about it. Knowing the last baby was a girl, there's both some good and bad feelings finding out this one is a boy. I think it was a bit of a relief because I did not want to feel any sort of "this is my baby I'm getting back," and sort of push away or minimize the last loss. And I don't know what the first baby I lost was, maybe that was a boy, but since I don't know, it's less concrete. There's also the other side to it that is sad because Lyra was getting sister. But now she isn't. But again, I don't know if she was getting a brother that first time around. And either way it was always someone different regardless of anatomy and chromosomes. Not to mention all my normal feeling I have about gender and sex and how I'm raising Lyra and how I will raise this one with the main idea being they're just little people either way and the not or girl thing is not the defining characteristic to sum them up anyway.

Lyra stats: My best Lyra story was the nap one this week. I did take her to see Paw Patrol Live this week which she enjoyed. It was a stage production of one of her favorite cartoons. I think her mind was blown that these characters actually exist.

What I miss: Lyra taking naps reliably. I hope this stage passes.

Best moment this week: Honestly, probably just not having a terrible headache once this week. I had 2 or 3 but they were the types that I actually got to go away and they never progressed to the vomiting stage. I don't remember any other week that's happened so far since getting pregnant.

Looking forward to: Summer. That feeling will last maybe another 8 days until it gets hot. Also my parents are coming to visit the week after next which will be fun. My dad is going to help us tile the master bath and bedroom (who puts carpet in a bathroom???) which will be so nice to get done.