Thursday, June 29, 2017

7 weeks

How preggo I am: 7 weeks 2 days, a week further along than with my miscarriage, progress.

Baby size: Blueberry sized, or comparable to a Brookesia Micra chameleon.

Morning sickness: Oh yeah. It has begun. I was trying to read Lyra a book about sharks when the overwhelming urge to toss my cookies. Super fun to have to go back to book reading immediately after vomiting. And it has happened on 2 separate occasions while reading that book. I made it six more days than I did with Lyra at least. But I may never read Hark! A Shark! again. It is clearly a cursed book.

Food cravings/aversions: Food in general is a bit hit or miss for me now. Bland crackery things are generally ok.

Other symptom: As my uterus has doubled in size, apparantly, my need to pee has grown proportionally.

Weight gain: Still haven't checked. But the bloat is considerably calmer and I look much less pregnant again. I'd include a picture but the blogger app is a piece of @#$&!% and really difficult to work with. I still have never found a good free blog platform that works well on a mobile device.

Sleep: Continuing to work on it, finally cut off night nursing Lyra for good. We were down to just morning sessions but I'm tired of it and it hurts.

Mood: Frankly, I feel quite pissed off lately. It's hard to describe how much constant nasuea can mess with your head and mood. I mean, yes, there is some research that suggests morning sickness is a good sign that a miscarriage is much less likely. But that's not a 100% sure deal and I'm not that selfless. It still is shitty. I have no reason to think it will go away after the first trimester (with Lyra it stuck around well over halfway) but I can hope. I think it's slightly better this time just because I've done it once before and I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Someday I will not be sick every single day, someday food will taste good again, someday the thought of vomiting will not be the primary thought in my head. But also it is worse because I know what is in my future. And I've been feeling sick every day for 2 weeks now already and it is already getting old. Also it's hot out and Lyra is very much in toddler mode, 95% of my day is saying some form of the word "No."

Gender: Nobody knows, my running survey tally is girl: 1, boy: 1.

Lyra stats: Oh my god. So much sass lately. She wants to be so independent and I'm so exhausted from chasing her. Sharing is her biggest challenge these days but she's always so excited to go see friends which is fun to see.

What I miss: Still beer, also enjoying food.

Best moment this week: Probably my winning parent moment of the week. Lyra took off down a hill at the park that she always runs down and I always tell her not too run down and that I always hate chasing her down. So this time I mostly caught up and just gave her a light shove to knock her over and end the chase. I felt kind of like an asshole after I realized I'd impulsively shoved my one year old. Down a hill. In my defense she's nearly two and she thought it was hilarious and cackled hysterically as I carried her back up the hill.

Looking forward to: Hopefully getting more sleep as Lyra adjusts to no night nursing.

Friday, June 23, 2017

6 weeks

How preggo I am: 6 weeks and 5 days! Officially due on the 13th of February ❤

Baby size: 6 mm according to our ultrasound. The size of a chocolate chip, a blueberry, or a ladybug

I no longer look 20 weeks pregnant!

Morning sickness: Yeppppp. No puking yet, just one moment of dry heaving before breakfast as the cat wove around my ankles and Roxi whined for attention and as my toddler attempted to herd us all out of her way so she could shut the bathroom door while shouting, "aye-ughs, aye-ughs!" in my ear. Toddler speak for "Why are my morning eggs not yet cooked, servant?" Obviously.

Food cravings/aversions: Basically we have reached the, "All food sounds disgusting," phase. We try to watch TV at dinner now because it is easier to eat if I am distracted from having to taste it. I do still like sushi and watermelon though.  I had half a watermelon for lunch recently.

Other symptom: The heartburn and bloat have eased up a good deal, thankfully. I look much less pregnant again. I do however have this constant unpleasant taste in my mouth, that's a completely new one. And omg. Nursing is getting way more painful than I anticipated.

Weight gain: Still not a clue.

Sleep: Well Travis was gone this week and the cat chose to have a psychotic breakdown due to his absence.  I had to lock her in her kennel and place her in the guest bathtub, turn on the bathroom fan, close 2 doors, and turn on my personal white noise machine to the bacon sizzles setting to block her out. Now that hes back, she meows 2 or 3 times and settles in. And Lyra decided to get some teeth or something. So 2 nights this week were 2 to 3 hours of sleep nights which was a bit rough.

Mood: Mostly happy and hopeful tempered with a heavy dose of "I'm so fucking tired I have to stay on my feet and clean or I'll fall asleep instead of watching Lyra," and "I'm so happy I feel pregnant and nauseous but I don't want to throw up until I clean the toilets." So my house is clean,  that's nice.

Gender: I have one friend's vote in for boy so far. Any other guesses?? We (OK, I) have dubbed the baby, "Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All." Because Doctor Who.

Lyra stats: Still being Lyra this week.

What I miss: Still beer. And also wine. And my motivation to do anything.

Best moment this week: Getting our ultrasound! I mean, mostly baby was still way blobby but seeing that heartbeat was a big relief. And not seeing twins was a comfort, frankly. Plus the ultrasound tech let me pee before the exam, huge perk when they have told you to come in with a full bladder but you've slightly overdone it. So that was an extra awesome ultrasound experience. Also I have a posterior placenta this time apparently! Exciting because last time it was anterior (between the front of my belly and Lyra) and I didn't get to feel kicks very early on. Hopefully this one I get some earlier ones!

Our little blobby! The little black dot on the left is the brain. The right half of the big blob is the yolk sack, the left half is Stormageddon! 

Looking forward to: Being a little more in touch with how big Stormageddon is and being able to relax a little more.

And of course, our Facebook announcement. 

Friday, June 9, 2017

Week 4/5 ??

How preggo I am: I am somewhere between 4 to 5 weeks, still slightly questionable on the timeline due to not tracking and no period after the miscarriage. I have an ultrasound in 2 weeks and hopefully I can pin down the due date a bit. Sometime been the 10th and 16th of February, a Valentines baby!

Baby size: Somewhere between poppy seed and apple seed sized. Or somewhere between a water bear and a dot snail if we want to be slightly more unique.

Morning sickness: I think I'm starting to sense a hint of nasuea already but no puking, yaaaay! I'm hoping this is a good sign, I had no nasuea with the miscarriage  but toooons with Lyra starting around 6 weeks.

Food cravings/aversions: Horseradish. Specifically cocktail sauce. I was eating that with a spoon in Vegas before I knew I was pregnant.

Other symptom: Heartburn. I had a bit with Lyra in the beggining weeks but not this much. And bloat. I seriously look about 20 weeks pregnant (going off my Lyra scale) right now and it's really uncomfortable. I think it is really noticeable for me because I had bloat with the miscarriage that disappeared for a few weeks before I immediately got pregnant and bloated again. Didn't have this with Lyra if I'm remembering right. Oh, and I'm definitely on the must pee every hour train again.

Weight gain: I didn't track this with Lyra and I think I will only track this when I go to appointments. I struggled a lot with anorexia in the past so I don't keep a scale in the house anymore. But I feel comfortable finding out my weight with this baby. I'm starting out around 130 pounds.

Sleep: Soooo tired. But also I don't get to sleep in anymore. Travis is working on night wake ups with Lyra now, though.

Mood: Mostly happy and trying to enjoy myself but somewhat stressed/worried about these early few weeks.

Gender: I will be attempting to resist the temptation to find out because Travis really wants a surprise. We will see how that one works out. 😂

Lyra stats: MAJOR progress. She falls asleep in her own bed for nap and bedtime as long as one of us sits in the corner. Still working on night wakeups. She is still nursing but we're cutting back slowly since I'm tired of nighttime nursing and starting to get really sore, thanks to pregnancy hormones.

What I miss: Beer.

Best moment this week: Since this is my first post, I'm going to say finding out I am pregnant.

Looking forward to: Getting our first ultrasound and hopefully some peace of mind and a strong baby heartbeat.

My before picture, you really can't tell how bloated I am in a loose shirt. I wanted a cutesy in front of the barn door instagramey picture. I got a toddler and dog photo bomb instead. 

My face when I pulled my shirt tight and saw how bloated I was. Seriously, it is ridiculous. And it is as uncomfortable as it looks. 

No but really, I was 21 weeks and some change on the left with Lyra. What is happening. 

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Accidentally on Purpose

I'm writing this a few days after finding out we are pregnant again. I was torn between writing right away or waiting until we get an early ultrasound and see a heartbeat or we miscarry again. But then I was thinking well, we may miscarry after a heartbeat. Really anything can happen at any time so I'm going to do my best to be optimistic or at the very least, enjoy the time I do have. I would write out my feelings if I miscarried again, why shouldn't I write now too? This one feel different. But then again hindsight is 20/20. I had 3 miscarriage dreams the last pregnancy though, one the morning my miscarriage started. I'm also trying not to read into that though because it is on my mind now and I very well may have more of those dreams. And I dreamed Lyra was a boy 3 times when I was pregnant with her, never once dreamed she was a girl, and look how that one turned out.

I hadn't gotten my period yet after the miscarriage so I'm a little fuzzy on how far along I am. You can skip this paragraph if you don't want the numbers breakdown and internal monologue/debate of mine. I started spotting the 29th of April, bleeding the 3rd of May, and finally had the last day of spotting from the miscarriage on the 11th. The 11th was when I was very sure the pregnancy home test was negative as well. I also had blood tests so I know my HcG (the hormone home pregnancy tests look for, that is less than 5 in a non pregnant woman) was 25 on the 9th. From all that I was assuming my new cycle would start around the 12th, meaning conception could occur around the 26th and the earliest I could possibly get a positive (the kind you can barely see and may drive you bonkers squinting at it...aka the kind I got with my last 2 pregnancies) test would be the 3rd of June. Still only 8 days post ovulation for those of you familiar with the baby making crazies. Since we were going to Vegas the 31st, we made the decision to wait to test until after our trip. And I decided I didn't want to drive myself crazy with testing and tracking ovulation because I knew this cycle could be weird. Plus we wanted to enjoy ourselves in Vegas. I didn't want to skip drinking for phantom lines and disappointment. The morning we were set to leave Vegas I caved, tested, and I got a strong positive test on June 3rd. Now they say that the strength of the pregnancy test has nothing to do with how far along you are, but I've noticed a huge difference personally, between the early 3 week days where you can barely tell if you have a line and you might debate a bit, and the quick and strong lines that show up around 4 weeks or so. June 3rd by my figuring I would have only been 3 weeks along which seems real early for a good positive. But who really knows. My midwife said her estimation was that conception was around the 20th or earlier which would put me due almost a week ahead of my figuring. I guess she's thinking 10 days after HcG went to 0? And I guess if you count the day I started my miscarriage as my new cycle date I would have been 4.5 weeks on June 3rd. That one seems the least likely. I don't know. Pregnant right after a miscarriage is confusing but I'm so glad it happened this way. Not having a fairly accurate due date yet is making me a bit stressed but I also can't really count what day pregnant I am and that's forcing me to chill a bit. (Future Miriam edit here. I was pretty darn close with my final estimate I settled on. I guessed valentines day, my ultrasound says the 13th. About as spot on as you can get considering measurement error and having no set cycle date to start with.)

Anyway, we were both excited to see the positive and I wasn't too sad to skip the mimosas that last day. Turns out I think I have been unknowingly living with a dairy intolerance for years. I was off dairy for a while with Lyra nursing but I keep trying to add it back in because cheese and chocolate and butter are basically my 3 favorite foods. And everytime I'm very sorry I made the attempt. I guess I just thought random digestive problems were normal and I was feeling better lately just by forced healthier eating habits from having an allergy baby. Oops. So that sucks. I suspect we can both handle some of the protein up to a certain point. We both handle goats milk just fine (it has the least amount of the milk protein coincidentally 🤔) and she isn't bothered by dairy in breastmilk. I just can't find a safe threshhold for myself, so better to be off it fully and not tempt myself into overindulgence. But I had a good last hoorah with dairy and alcohol before leaving Vegas. So that timing was great.

I keep getting sidetracked so I guess this will be more a general update not just a, "Hey I'm knocked up again but more on purpose and less accidentally this time," post. It's nice to know we appear to be pretty darn fertile people, it just remains to be seen if we can usually make babies who can stick around long enough. We got one though, so that's a good sign. The next one will hopefully be just as stubborn!

Speaking of, Lyra is in full toddler mode now. We have at least 5 meltdowns a day because she wants, "Keem" (diary free ice cream) all the time. She wants to pick out wildly inappropriate clothing and shoes (think fleece pants and sparkly dress shoes for playing on the playground when it is 90 degrees out). And she wants to be like me and wear all my jewelry and do her nails.  She also climbs everything and always has at least one bruise or cut.  She's still obsessed with sharks and now Curious George or "eeeiii eeeiii" because that's the sound monkeys make.  She has started to eat more and nurse less. And her favorite food is still sushi. "Susu" could be an everyday meal at our house. The ladies at the sushi place in town recognize us all. "She came in with your mom the other day and ate 3 things of salmon all by herself!" Yep, thats my kid. Travis has been taking over bedtime and we are just no longer nursing in bed before bed or nap because it takes waaaay to long and everyone needs more sleep. She's even starting out in her own room every night now that we're in our new house. We really wanted that to happen before the next baby. My mom staying with Lyra for 3 nights while we were in Vegas really helped kick-start that process.

Travis is enjoying his new job. (That's basically all the updates you'll get out of him 😂).

I'm in a weird almost zen mood about things. I have moments of intense anxiety but mostly it's just moments. I'm about done peeing on sticks since I feel reassured about the little baby now. I've nicknamed the little fetus Stormageddon for now. Both because we love Doctor Who and because I need a good gender nuetral nickname if we're going to stick to this not finding out all the info we can about this little one. I'm planning on doing some more regular blogging updates about this pregnancy. So hopefully you'll hear from us soon!

Here's Stormageddon! 6 weeks and 3 days, 6 mm long, crazy how tiny they start out. The left half of the big blob is actually the baby (the little black spot is the brain!), the right half is the yolk sack.