15 Week Update

How preggo I am: 15 weeks. About. Finally have somewhat settled on a due date. Which is obviously still just a guess but whatever. My last period due date was the 26th of September and the ultrasounds have put it at the 22nd, the 16th, and the 19th respectively. I think my best guess that we'll probably go with this the 19th. He's consistently measuring ahead and I got my positive test soooo early. Plus that's the easiest to remember. I switched over weeks on Wednesdays with Lyra and with this baby up to now, that date is exactly a week ahead. Good middle guess date all 4 guesses considered. Clearly Lyra was my prompt type A baby who measures right on and arrived on her due date. She takes after me and this one is possibly a Travis clone. He'd prefer to be cryptic and not inform anyome of his plans.

Baby size: Apple or avocado sized. About 4 inches long from head to butt. (Crown to rump, scientifically speaking.)

Morning sickness: Yes. Still. Bleh. Plus, my neck has been bugging me a lot more (seems to get a lot worse during pregnancy unfortunately) which leads to headaches which leads to more naseau.

Food cravings/aversions: Nothing specific to be honest. But smells have kind of been a craving. Basil smells excessively good. And Lavender. I bought like 4 lavender scented things lately.

Other symptom: Nothing too much, the naseau and headaches kind of overwhelm everything else. I have started to have that weird sensation of feeling like there is an unyielding ball in my belly when I bend over or really have to pee or something. Which, makes sense, seeing as there basically is. I can recognize it as my uterus from remembering how it was with Lyra.  It's hard to describe but it's exciting that it's all feeling a bit more real like it's actually going to happen this time.

Weight gain: Nada. Though I do think I'm starting to get a real baby bump. About a week or 2 before I found it noticable with Lyra.

15 week bump, I can't suck it in any more than this these days.

This was me at 17 weeks with Lyra, for comparisons sake. 

Movement: Nothing yet but I'm hoping any day now. My placenta is posterior (in back) this time instead of in front like it was with Lyra.

Sleep: I swear if Lyra doesn't stop standing by my face quietly in the dark I'm going to start having nightmares. Like, just say something or poke me, don't just stand there quietly staring.

Mood: Well I was quite cheerful and relaxed when I got to go on my girls trip. A couple days relaxing by the coast in Sonoma. I had a whole spa day that I'm absolutely doing again if I have to have a c-section. I was distinctly not cheerful late last week when I went to the first check in visit at the OB. Now, I didn't actually get to meet him at that visit. Luckily after meeting him early this week, I don't mind him. I'd prefer my midwife/home birth plan but a backup is a good idea either way. Plus the extra appointments and checks are reassuring at this point. Anyway, the first visit turned out to be all paperwork and super oversimplified (for me at least, I'm pretty well informed when it comes to pregnancy basics, I've thoroughly done my research) pregnancy overview. The whole day was awful from the get go. First, I was running late because I had a horrendous headache/vomiting start to my morning. Then I got lost trying to find the office. By the time I showed up all hot and sweaty and without breakfast (I dropped it on the way out the door) I was 15 minites past my check in time. Still 15 minutes before my appointment but late nonetheless. I ended up waiting in the waiting room for 45 minutes anyway. And then nurse who was doing the intake appointment was clearly very anti-midwifery. She made a few comments that really rubbed me the wrong way. The worst was regarding the Panorama blood test I did a while ago. "I was just saying the other day that it's crazy they let midwives order that test. They'll just let anyone do it." I didn't even know how to react to that. I was also given a sheet on the benefits of breastfeeding. The top bullet point of the list of benefits for mom was, "helps with weight loss." Bottom of the list was "helps reduce risk of postpartum depression." Ummmm.....PRIORITIES, people. Reduces risk of cancers, helps minimize postpartum hemmoraghing, any of those seem to be a lot more important than dropping weight post baby but all were listed later. The sheet was printed from the local hospital system which is actually not the same system as the OB's office so I am going to have to look into where I need to complain about that bullshit. Just rearrange your bullet points for fuck's sake. Needless to say, I was not a particularly happy camper by the end of the day. By the end I was on the phone crying to my mother. But I do feel much better after meeting the OB. He seems like a decent doctor even if the attitude towards birth around here is not ideal.

Gender: Besides the DNA test, there was officially a penis on an ultrasound. I'm growing a pair of balls.

Lyra stats: This kid. I have another example of how she's definitely my mini me, type A little kid. So I went on my girl's trip and expected exciement when I came home because it was the longest we have ever been apart. And I got it, I'll give her that. But midway through our reunion, she noticed I hadn't put away my shoes and she insisted I take a pause from hugs so that she could put them back in the closet where they belonged.

Also, other random anecdotes. The falling apart baby monitor has been upgraded and now we can speak to her through an intercom like system on the new video monitor. When she gets out of bed and you tell her to lay back down and take a nap or go to bed, she kind of listens. She lays down immediately on the floor where ever she's at in her room. It's kind of hysterical.

She now says "Mommy" instead of "Mama" about half the time. Out of nowhere, I'm not sure where she learned it. I had not realized how much more whiny it's possible to make "Mommy" sound rather than "Mama." It has to be the "y" sound. I'm not a huge fan for the most part.

What I miss: not having debilitating neckpain. I'm basically attached to a heat or ice pack whenever possible and trying any sort of remedy I can think of. The latest is KT taping which surprisingly seems to help take the edge off. It's a lot stronger than I thought and almost seems like it acts a little like a brace. But if anyone knows any tips or weird suggestions for cures, let me know. I'd try witchcraft or Amazonian tree oils or basically anything at this point. Osteopathy helps somewhat but that's absurdly expensive. Chiropractic care seems to make it worse, last I tried. I'm probably getting a massage membership. I do have my muscle relaxers but those are last resort and can only be used if I'm not alone and can sleep all day. Anyway, neck pain is the worst.

Best moment this week: During the last ultrasound this week at the introductory back-up OB visit I got an extra ultrasound. This is the third one, I only got 3 total with Lyra, this one will get a minimum of 4, more if the placenta doesn't move by the 20 week scan. Anyway, Lyra had been at the emergency ultrasound for spotting and we told her it was her baby brother she could see. I told her again the morning of the ultrasound that we were going to see baby brother. So the instant the ultrasound picture popped up on the screen this time, without any prompting from anyone she yelled, "Baby brother!" and pointed at the screen. Soooo cute. She may actually be getting it.

Looking forward to: Hopefully finally just having a few mundane weeks. I'm sure that won't happen though.

Week 11-13 (I don't know), A Sex Party, & The Bleeding Scare Update

How preggo I am: Nearly 12 or 13 weeks. I was late on this supposed to be 11 week update for several reasons. First I had the headache from hell, then I figured I might as well wait until we announced the baby's sex, then I had spotting and was in crisis mode and didn't want to update until I had ultrasound results. The short story with that is baby is measuring ahead by 9 days, has a good heart rate and wiggles around already but I have placenta previa, where the placenta is covering the cervix. More on that later.

Baby size: Lemon sized which is a huge jump from the last time I wrote. That's according to the 13 week measurements from the ultrasound yesterday. Baby has little limbs and appendages and looks a lot more baby like. With a huge head. I can also feel the top of my uterus low on my stomach, I noticed earlier in the week.

Baby face

Morning sickness: Still hanging in there.  I'm hoping it goes away second trimester but realistically I'm betting I'm in for the long haul again.

Food cravings/aversions: Super cliche but I made Travis go buy like 4 types of pickles one evening.

Other symptom: I had the worst headache ever this week. It's been on and off for about a week and a half at this point. It set in hard for good on Wednesday afternoon and by Friday morning I was in urgent care. I ended up trying a muscle relaxer (safe for pregnancy, category B) and basically slept the day away and felt better by Saturday morning finally. It did come back with the stress from spotting on Sunday but I was too freaked out to take more meds, even though they were supposed to be safe. I took some last night though because I've had enough headache and I'm thoroughly convinced they aren't the cause of my spotting now. I'm hoping it's finally done now.

Weight gain: Nada. But I feel the bloat on and off for sure.

Mood: So stressed and not a good week overall. Sunday during the middle of our sex reveal party, the day before my birthday, which was also the day before family came to visit, a few days before my planned girls trip, a few days before the 12 week milestone where I last miscarried, basically the absolute worst time for it, I started spotting. I felt a gush and I was just like, "Nooooo, that can't be what I think it is." But sure enough when I went to the bathroom to check, blood. I freaked out harder than any of the previous times. Every time you just think, this can't possibly be happening. I started shaking and hyperventilating a bit and called Travis back to the bathroom to call the midwife and my friend who was at the party sans kids to come comfort me. Then I just tried to move on with the day and see how it went.  Luckily, my friends all know and I didn't have to pretend everything was perfect, so that worked out. Still a bummer to bring down my party mood a lot.

It just sucks the more often this happens because you feel less hopeful every time. I feel like I was less hysterically upset and more contingency planning from the get go. Like "Ok if this is another miscarriage, this is the plan, this is the testing to talk about, this is what I want to push to get done." Etc. It's way more morbid too, I immediately started thinking, this is how big the baby is, this is what you need to prepare yourself to see, potentially. Pack bags for the ER in case we need to go there in the middle of the night and notify the friends we would leave Lyra with. I knew I'd have trouble sleeping and Travis suggested unisom but I wanted to be alert enough to be able to differentiate between drowsy from drugs and drowsy from blood loss. Miscarriages really put a damper on your pregnancy experience.

But the ultrasound place got me in quickly at least. Baby is measuring even more ahead so I don't know yet if my due date will change. Measuring at 13 weeks instead of 11 weeks and 5 days. Wiggling a bit and a heart rate if 152. So that was a good birthday present even if the rest of the news wasn't. The complete placenta previa they found is very likely the reason I was spotting. And I may or may not keep spotting due to that. So that's a big bummer. Hopefully, the placenta moves but frankly, I have shitty luck lately and I don't want to bank on that and just be disappointed. So I'm processing that. And mentally preparing.  I had Lyra unmeducated at a birth center and it was a great experience. Pregnancy kind of sucks for me to be honest, and the birth thing was what I was looking forward to. With placenta previa you can't give birth vaginally and you don't want to go into labor because you'll bleed and put both yourself and the baby in danger. I had a fairly quick labor (at least the dilation part) with Lyra and we live 45 minutes from the hospital so that makes me nervous.

I just can't seem to 100% win in the placenta department. I had an anterior placenta with Lyra, not a big deal just a bummer because it dulls movement in the front at first so I had to wait longer to feel her move. Then with that second miscarriage I had retained placenta that landed me in the ER. Now this placenta previa. Stupid jerk placentas.

Obviously, I'm glad I have a healthy baby right now but my birth experience matters a lot too and I'm upset about possibly losing my homebirth and having a c-section. Not to mention the epidural part of birth and surgery are at the top of my list of "things I'm incredibly terrified of" and at the top of my "exactly how I do not want birth to go" list. The universe is testing me once again it would appear. I mean there's still hope but I'm preparing for my worst case scenario.

I got the double whammy ultrasound too. I had the bladder crushing stomach ultrasound and the awkward twat wand ultrasound both. "I'm just going to put this protective non latex covering on the wand." Let's just call it what it is, a condom on a stick, slathered in KY jelly. Plus I can't see the screen from that angle so where am I supposed to look? What am I supposed to do? Just  lay here and think about life? What a fun day to turn 29.

Gender: We had our sex party! It turned out ok, even with the drama. We had a taco bar and meatballs and weenies. I forgot to set out the pork for the tacos. My friend later was like, "I thought it was kind of weird you didn't have meat for the tacos but I didn't say anything." What a time to get polite on me.

I made everyone wear pins with their guesses.

Nuts or no nuts?

Turns out it's hard to make balloon penises and vaginas but an effort was made.

We had penis cookies and vagina fudge. Technically more like vulva fudge but whatever. They didn't turn out the best, they were mostly a little mangled with made for some great jokes.

The cookies and the slightly mangled fudge

 "The first batch turned out the best, there's nothing like your first vagina."

"Those ones just look like they went a few rounds with big red." (Referencing the giant red balloon penis Travis made out of those ballons you use to make balloon animals.)

"These ones are just fine if you dim the lights a little."

And everyone felt like terrible parents for letting their kids innocently eat the ginger snap penis cookies. I decorated with penis and sperm confetti  It's annoying how hard it is to find vagina confetti. And by that I mean, impossible. There's a kickstarter for some called "Clitter" but that's it.

The confetti

Right before the party started, Travis managed to drop a single piece of sperm confetti in the meatballs and weenies. We never did find it,  unfortunately. And we did our actual reveal with a baking soda/vinegar experiment.

We're having a boy! XY chromosomes this time. 

Lyra stats: Lyra scared the shit out of me one night this week. She sleeps in her own room but when she does wake up, she's generally loud, slamming her door and then mine and stomping down the hall like an elephant. So I know when she is on the way. But one night this week she went for stealth.  I rolled over and must have opened my eyes and half woke up. It was one of those times where your brain registers you're seeing something before you really process what's happening. All I knew was I woke up to someone standing in the dark next to my bed, staring at me. So I screamed, hit Travis to wake him, realized it was Lyra and yelled, "Oh my God Lyra what are you doing? Travis, put her back in bed!" and ran off to pee before I wet myself with my heart racing. I calmed down a bit, realized I'd scared Lyra and went to talk to her. But sheesh. One of my nightmares is waking with someone standing over me like that. It was terrifying.

Best moment this week: Reassurance that this baby is doing ok right now.  Both with the home Doppler and the ultrasound. That was nice to know this week. I feel like i made it past my last miscarriage mark

Looking forward to: My first visit with the midwife tomorrow, I have a lot of questions now. And the girls trip I'm going on this Thursday. It will tie with Vegas for the longest I've been away with Lyra and will be a weekend of relaxing, chatting, massages, spa treatments, and good food.