Hello all, this is a
guest post from Travis as this story just had to be told. You'll have to
forgive Miriam for not posting lately, as wedding planning has kicked into a
higher gear.
Yesterday (Thursday)
Miriam left home for the arctic one final time before the wedding. Flights this
time have gone without a hitch and she has now arrived safely in Alaska, with
plenty of time to spare. While she had cell service, she was actually able to
text me for a bit. One message caught me off guard however. "Dunno
if you'll get this.... I just got a message that my data is turned off due to
high international charges."
This entirely confused
me. For those how aren't certain, Deadhorse, one of the closer towns to
Miriam's rig, is about 300 miles from the Canadian border, as the crow flies.
There is no way her phone is bouncing off a Canadian tower, and certainly
not a Russian tower as that's over a 1000 miles away. So she forwards me the message
and I call AT&T for her, as I'm at home for the night, and her signal is
spotty.
Within 5 minutes I am
on the line with the International Charges support line. A very polite
woman answers and asks me what exactly the problem is, and I explain the situation.
Luckily, Miriam and I already share phone service, otherwise this would
have been a much bigger problem.
AT&T: "Well
just let me pull up her data history real quick...... Ok sir, you say she is in
Alaska? I have most recent data pinging off of a tower in..... Moroshskas?
Norofjakfs? Nicrohfpsjf?"
At this point she is
just talking gibberish, unable to pronounce this area. My first thought
is that she's trying to pronounce a city in the Far East Region of Russia, but
I'm not completely sure.
Me: "Well Ma'am,
that can't be right, she's in Deadhorse Alaska. Hundreds of miles from
the nearest border."
AT&T: " Now
sir, I have to ask, are you sure your fiancee went to Alaska? Because that's
not what I'm seeing."
Me: "Yes, I am
sure she's there, she's certainly not international, she doesn't even have a
passport...."
AT&T: "Ok
sir, let me put you on hold for a moment and speak with my supervisor."
This is a pretty quick
conversation, maybe five minutes or less.
AT&T: "Thank
you for holding Mr. Howard. So what I'm showing is that you currently have $630
worth of data charges on your account. We understand that that there has
been a confusion here, so what we can do is waive these fees by you purchasing
the international data package for $30."
At this point, I'm a
little bit mad.
Me: "No ma'am.
I will not purchase an international package. Miriam hasn't left this
country in over 5 years. She is no where near a border. There is a
problem with your system, and I will not be paying any fees."
AT&T: "I
understand sir. Now I do want to ask again, are you sure your fiancee
isn't out of the country?? I'm showing..... Nicarasdfjsdflj...... I really
don't know how to pronounce it. But it's a country in South America."
My only guess is that
this woman means Nicaragua, which is even more confusing, as this is where
Miriam's father is from, and she has quite a bit of family there.
Me: "No she's not
in South America. We're talking about tens of thousands of miles away from
where she is. If she can be bouncing off a tower that far away, I need to
complain about the dead spot in my bathroom."
AT&T: "Ok
sir, can you tell me when she left for Alaska?"
Me: "Of course,
she left Spokane Washington yesterday at 3:00 PM. She's been flying since
then, and stopped in Portland, Seattle, and Anchorage before reaching the
arctic."
AT&T: "Ok
sir, and when will she leave Alaska and be back in the country?"
Me: "She get's
back on the........ Wait? Back in the country?? Alaska is a STATE. She is still
in the US. She never left!!!!"
AT&T: "I
understand...... Then when will she be home?"
At this point I really
don't want to get into the mess that is the wedding travel, and the fact that
she won't actually come home for almost 5 weeks.
Me: "She gets
back to Washington on March 14th."
AT&T: "Ok
sir, there seems to be a problem, as her history doesn't match up with what you
are saying. I'm going to need to transfer you to our Technical Services line.
Now, I do want to warn you, they are experiencing a very high call load,
so I will have to place you on hold for a bit."
At this point, I am
confused and a little bit tired of people insinuating that my soon to be wife
has run off to South America and had the audacity to text me about her cell
phone bill. I decided to grab a glass and pour myself a few fingers of
whiskey to sip on while I wait. And it's a good think I did, because 20
minutes of texting Miriam in tropical Nicaragua Alaska later, I finally reached
someone in Tech Services.
AT&T: "Hello
Mr. Howard, what can I help you with?"
At this point I launch
into a long story, and probably overwhelm the poor man with information that he
didn't need, but frankly, I needed to remind myself of the situation because it
had been so long.
AT&T: "Hmmmm,
well sir, I've been reviewing your account, and I have to say, I have no clue
what my co-worker was looking at. I show her leaving Spokane, and
currently in our Arctic Slope service area. And I see no charges on your
account. I do see that her data was suspended, but that must have been an
error. I've reset the suspension and you should be good to go."
Me: "Wait, that's
it?? She's not in South America, and her data is turned on? And no
charges??"
AT&T: "Yup,
should be back to buisness as usual. Let us know if somehow you get a
charge, and we'll reverse it, but everything should be ok."
Me: "Oh....
Well.... perfect then. Ummmm..... Thanks?"
AT&T: "Of
course sir, have a great day. Thank you for calling AT&T
Support."
*Click*
And that was it, 48
minutes later and we determined where Miriam was. I'm still a little dumb
founded, and the fact that Nicaragua of all places was brought up makes it even
more confusing. But Miriam's data has been turned on, and everything is
fixed. Now if only should could use it up there.......
Note from Miriam:
I am most certainly
not in Nicaragua. I'm definitely in the far away "country" of
Alaska. And my employers could vouch for me. This does make me question the
existence of Dopelgangers and/or time travel. That's the only explanation I
have. That would also explain today's dinner. Apparently it's
thanksgiving on the rig as I am eating a meal of turkey, stuffing, and
cranberry sauce. Luckily I don't actually mind this because I love stuffing. I
do feel like I'm having a surreal day though. Clearly the next three weeks
until the wedding won't be ordinary!
