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| 20 weeks |
Baby size: Banana sized, about 6.5 in from head to bottom or 10 inches from head to feet. And about 10.2 oz.
Morning sickness: So morning sickness seems to be essentially gone except for a random bit here and there. However, when I have the headaches hit, crazzzzy nausea.
Food cravings/aversions: Nothing super dramatic really.
Other symptom: Braxton Hicks are back the last couple weeks. So far they aren't super intense or frequent but it basically confirms to me that they probably will be later on. So that could be interesting with my placenta location currently. So far it hasn't been a big deal but it makes me extra nervous. I'm also preemptively annoyed for the lecture on hydration I'm sure to get if I have to go in to the hospital. In fairness, typical Braxton Hicks (BH, I'm abbreviating, I hate typing that every time) are supposed to go away with hydration and rest. However, mine don't seem to follow that pattern. Plus, if I have too full of a bladder, it triggers more so the hydration line is a hard one to walk. With Lyra I had to go in to the hospital at 34 weeks for persistent BH (around every 6-8 minutes or so if I recall correctly) I had a less than pleasurable experience. There was one nurse in particular who insisted I was dehydrated and was kind of condescending about it. Then it took 4 tries to get an IV in (I was freezing and stressed out). After chugging a liter of water and getting a bag of IV fluids I swelled up like a water balloon and they came back to tell me we'd have to try something else because contractions were still at 5-7 apart. I just would have appreciated a, "Sounds like you're doing the right thing trying to stay hydrated, lets give IV fluids a shot just in case before trying something more drastic." Instead of, "No, that 32 ounces of herbal tea you had in the last hour is dehydrating and you shouldn't be drinking that." That's not how it works. And it should be noted that wasn't even close to my full fluid and water intake for the day and I had made that clear. Anyway, just something that frustrated me immensely.
I'm also just pretty frustrated lately with the lack of treatment I've had for these headaches. I have my anatomy scan tomorrow and I'm going to see if the OB can be helpful while I'm there. But anyway, I've tried muscle relaxers, tylenol, every gentle natural remedy I've ever heard of and I just can't deal anymore. I had a particularly bad day when I was doing my allergy testing. I had to drive an hour away extremely early in the morning. I woke up with a horrible headache I'd had off and on for a few day. My morning went like this, slept crappy from about 3 am onwards because I was in so much pain. Gave up at around 4:45 and got out of bed. Threw up maybe 3 times before trying a shower to see if that helped. It didn't. Threw up another 2 or 3 times in between trying to get ready and get the animals fed and car packed for the day out with Lyra. Finally, woke Lyra up about 6:15, tossed her in the car and tried to leave around 6:30. I have to give it to Lyra. She was amazing that day. No tantrums, endless patience with being in the car, the stroller, and doctors offices all day. I don't know what I would have done had she been a monster. Anyway though, I don't make it out of the driveway before throwing up again (luckily I foresaw this possibility and had bags ready). About halfway through the drive it started to occur to me just how fuzzy I was feeling and I realized I probably shouldn't be driving but too late now. Plus, I really didn't want to be charged 500 for the allergy appointment if I didn't even make it. I literally could not concentrate on anything other than "My head hurts so bad," it was not ok. Then I threw up again as soon as I parked the car. My pain scale at this point is early labor, active labor, these fucking headaches, transition/contractions with broken water bag, and then wisdom teeth removal, for reference. At this point I was in touch with Travis (who was 3 hours away) to let him know I wasn't sure I'd make it home and was debating the ER or urgent care, but I was going somewhere. The allergy test was actually helpful because the needles were almost comfortable in distracting from my headache. That was anothwr experiwnce that made me think about how not normal being in that much pain is. Once I finished the allergy testing I was feeling ok enough to drive home and I figured I should take advantage of that window and get myself back to Fernley. From there I went straight to urgent care. By the time I was seen at around 1, I was finally keeping down fluids and I'd managed maybe 8 oz. Somehow that was enough to have me hydrated enough they didn't need to give me fluids (see previous rant about hydration and why I was so frustrated with that ER visit during Lyra's pregnancy). I don't understand how that's possible, but whatever. I was having some Braxton Hicks by then too because I wasn't drinking enough, I was super stressed, and frustrated, and in pain. But I was essentially told, sorry, here's some Zofran for the nausea but you just have to live with it. So I went home and basically spent the rest of the day crying on and off because I cannot just live with it. So far I haven't had another headache as bad but they've been pretty consistently a problem for like 6 years now so I'm over it. I did just find out antidepressants can be used to treat pain which I've never heard of before but seems legit, so that's an option I'm probably going to pursue since I'd like to avoid narcotics, especially since I'm limited by pregnancy and breastfeeding for a while. And frankly, the pain all the time, gets to you after a while. It makes me angry and upset and stressed. The antidepressant part of the antidepressants are a great side effect to consider. And the Zofran never seemed to help with morning sickness but this time it did seem to help with headache nausea. So that's going in my treatment plan for myself for sure. I still had a horrendous headache the entire next day, but I stopped vomiting and feeling sick once I had the Zofran. It didn't fix things for me, but that was a HUGE step. I also felt like much less of a crazy person after talking to a friend who has dealt with similar chronic pain issues. I felt like someone finally got it and understood that I can't just deal with it or live with it. It's frustrating to have something you have to manage, not something that can be fixed, if that makes sense. Like I can't just take something and be better, it always comes back. Anyway, that's basically the biggest thing that I'm trying to live life around these days.
Movement: Quite a bit pretty consistently, I can feel him from the outside now!
Weight gain: 5ish pounds, I feel a lot bigger than I look, I think. I'm definitely starting to feel sore and it's harder to move already.
Sleep: One morning recently I was at least half awake past 3 am and puking in my hands by 4:30 am before I could make it to the bathroom. So pretty restful. The cat also tried to murder me last night, she kept attempting to sleep on my face or chest. I'm actually looking forward to newborn sleep right now.
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Mood: I've been a wee bit grouchy lately (see previous rant about headaches and pain). But I got to see my parents last week which was really nice and my dad put tile in the master bedroom and bathroom.Names: Trying to name a baby is the worst.
Lyra stats: We're trying potty training again. She's not napping much. I don't want to talk about it. I love her so much, but honestly, I don't know that I'll miss the toddler years. I miss the 1 year old stage. I even thought that at the time, it wasn't all hindsight, that I really liked that age. She could do some cool stuff but she didn't insist on "I do it myself" for every single task. And I think I'm going to like the preschool/kindergarten age. I really enjoy when she's learning things or actually talking about things that make sense. But I feel like toddler and preteen are gonna be the ones I just don't particularly enjoy. I cannot tell you how much of my day I hear indecipherable whining and how ragey it makes me feel to argue with someone about the stupidest things you've never even thought of. Like at nap today she refused to turn off her light. She always turns it off and I know better than to try it. But she absolutely refused. So I did it. And it was fine, she was happy and I thought it was a miraculous changing of our routine. Then 2 minutes after I left the room she had a full on meltdown about how she didn't get to turn off her light. It's never an argument you can win with logic or even with some crazy made up shit, that's the thing that makes you die on the inside a little.
Lyra had a blast with my parents though. She loooooves "bald guy" (she seriously calls him that, it's fantastic) and Nana. Plus I think they bore her less than I do so she was tired out and well behaved (ish) this week. Except the one night she kept us all up for 3 hours in the middle of the night.
She got to go see some big rigs this week at a local event. Her favorite was the police truck that had a K-9 unit. She got to set off the sirens and when the police officer asked her if she was pulling over mommy or daddy, she said daddy. She keeps mentioning it too.
Best moment this week: My mom tried to steal my midwife's purse. Seriously. I took her to my appointment because if I get my way, I'll get a home birth and my midwife and mother will both be there. But as we were walking out to the car, I notice my mom is holding a new bag, in addition to her purse. "I thought it was yours!" Right. I mean, not like I'm carrying my bag. My midwife wasn't phased. She barely looked up when I returned it with a, "I'm so sorry, my mom thought this was mine and tried to steal it." She just laughed and said that would have been less than ideal. At least my midwife knows what she's getting into now.
Other Random Stuff: In typical fashion, I managed to schedule the anatomy scan for the day I miscarried for the first time last year. Fucking awesome. Hopefully it just all goes well and no big deal, at least I won't be feeling too mopey. But if there's any bad news, what a great double whammy. But I'm a superstitious person unfortunately so it's just not an amazing feeling.
We toured the second hospital this week. It wasn't bad either, just not my plan. I'm torn between the two options, I think depending on the scenario, I'd go to either. I think if I have a planned c-section on the earlier side (say if the OB thinks with my placenta previa we need to go at 36 weeks or something) then I'd lean towards the bigger one with the higher level NICU. I also think that might be where I'd head if I have preterm labor scares at all. But if its a later c-section (say planned at 38 weeks or something) I'd probably just prefer to stick to the smaller place. And if I get to attempt a vaginal birth in the hospital, definitely the smaller place with birth tubs and wireless fetal monitoring. So we will see.
And the last random thing. I don't recall what all I've mentioned in my blog, but at one ultrasound (I believe it was after the 2nd miscarriage) there was a note made in the report about a possible bicornuate uterus. Meaning its kind of divided into two parts, you can do your own google. Now from my understanding, if I do have one, it is really mild and just kind of heart shaped or has a septum or something. They're harder to diagnose during pregnancy because everything stretches. And if you do have one, you're at higher risk for miscarriage or preterm labor and higher risk for birth defects or bad presentation of the baby at birth (breech, etc). My midwife said having Lyra at full term was a sign against me having one and said even if I did, it was likely not severe, not a problem. She doesn't do ultrasounds, I get sent out elsewhere for those, so she didn't personally check. I'm pretty ok with that answer but I did try to go to an OB and ask because I wanted to know before getting pregnant again because I was pretty nervous after 2 miscarriages. The OB I saw then wouldn't even look at the old report let alone do another ultrasound. So I dropped it, I had the genetic test explaining one miscarriage and Lyra as proof that I could carry a baby to term. I wasn't too worried, mostly curious but still, I iust wanted to know. So now, when I went to my midwife for this last appointment she measured my fundal height (where the top of the uterus is in your stomach, you can feel it from the outside) and said, "Huh, that's kind of funny, it's all over on the right, I've only ever seen that in the mom's I've had with a bicornuate uterus." When I brought up the ultrasound again, she said it was worth mentioning to the OB I'm seeing now to see what he thinks. She still wasn't concerned about it, at this point I'm not really either, I'm just mildly annoyed that I did ask about it earlier and it wasn't checked when that was probably the only time it would have been seen, when I wasn't pregnant. It also would explain why I often felt like I had a lopsided stomach during BH contractions with Lyra. At the time I chalked it up to her positioning, I didn't even think to mention it. I cannot recall if it was mostly all on the right side with her too, enough time has passed and it wasn't on my radar that my uterus could be shaped a little different. This time around I already had noticed, before this appointment and conversation with my midwife, that my BH kind of go lopsided to the right. I didn't think it was too odd, like I said, that's what I was used to. Plus they're still on the lighter side for BH and my uterus is smaller than full term so they aren't really something I'm always paying attention to. But I distinctly remember noticing it, and I definitely am noticing now. I also wondered if Lyra was positioned just the slightest bit funny because things are slightly asymmetrical and that's why I struggled so much pushing her out. Zero evidence for that, but I've wondered now. And could just be that's how my uterus sits and it is normal shaped. I dunno, basically.
Looking forward to: Seeing the baby tomorrow! And with any luck, the placenta moved. I need 2 cm off my cervix for my home birth. But I only need 1 cm to attempt a vaginal hospital birth. I would gladly take that option. Wish me luck!
